Attack of the Killer Tits

Attack of the Killer Tits

Hungarian cave-dwellers massacred in their sleep

Reports are coming in of a previously unknown, deadly threat to sleepy Hungarian bats: that of being killed by tits.

The shock news comes courtesy of Germany's Max Planck Institute for Ornithology, where boffins have been working with "colleagues in a cave in Hungary". Needless to say, we speak here not of any scenario involving carelessly-roosting chiropterine boudoir intruders inadvertently stifled by human female tophamper in a comedo-tragic cleavage mishap or similar. Rather, the "Great Tits" in question here are peckish birds - of the same ingenious family as the renowned cream-snaffling Blue Tits of old Blighty.

According to the German/Hungarian boffinry team:

The observed cave had a large entrance... The Great Tits needed at most 15 minutes from entry into the cave to capture a bat. In some cases, they carried the Pipistrelles out of the cave in their beaks and ate them on nearby trees.

Reports on the ingenuity of birds of the tit family in their search for food go as far back as the 1940s when it was observed that Blue Tits in the British Isles had learned how to open the aluminium tops of milk bottles left on doorsteps by milkmen to get at the cream that had formed on top of the milk. Another astonishing acquired behaviour among Great Tits (Parus major) has now been observed...

It seems that the hungry feathered assassins only scoff snoozing bats when their need is extreme, as in midwinter when heavy snow cover in Hungary prevents them getting hold of their usual cold-weather diet of seeds, berries etc. Researchers found that the tits would ignore bats in favour of more conventional birdy tuck such as sunflower seeds or bacon rind if such was on offer.

"Behavioural flexibility coupled with altered environmental conditions, e.g. food scarcity, can trigger astonishing innovations in animal behaviour," concludes Bj�rn Siemers of the Max Planck Institute. "This could support the idea of cultural learning between different populations or it could indicate an independent development in different locations with the same ecological conditions."

We asked our colleagues over on the Reg biology desk for comment on the remarkable killer-tit discovery. After some thought, they felt it important to point out that "Tits are not the same as Boobies". �

German cops impound motorised beer crate

German cops impound motorised beer crate

'Looked like a lot of fun', Polizei admit

A German biker who rather brilliantly converted a beer crate into a diminutive quad bike has been relieved of his wheels, following a police pursuit, Ananova reports.

Matthias Krankl apparently attracted the attention of law enforcement operatives by speeding on his lovingly-crafted machine. He attempted to make good his escape into woodland in Maulburg, but got bogged down in thick mud.

One cop explained: "It's a quad bike but it's tiny, and once it got stuck it couldn't get out again."

The officer added: "We were very impressed with the workmanship so we congratulated him and then we confiscated the machine."

He concluded: "It only has a tiny one cylinder engine but somehow he managed to break the speed limit. It wasn't legal so we had to confiscate it, but it looked like a lot of fun and would certainly make drink driving more risky."

Would-be beer crate converters can get some tips from a pic of the machine here. �

Garfield

zo daar is ie dan eindelijk

Tsja, een lui dagje, mag het?

the cat and its boss

Good afternoon

A day together at home, just like that
A relaxing start
fresh stuff from the bakery
fresh coffee
fresh cookies

a fresh garfield

The day slightly slides away
sssshhh don't let it wake me up

Keep the ribbon, walk the line

do you wanna get rocked?

Let's go Let's go, Let's get rocked!

this is ROCK!!!
this is Def Lep at its best
(april 1992)
Tune up LOUD and let's get it on


Do you wanna get rocked?
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked

I'm your average ordinary everyday kid
Happy to do nothin', in fact that's what I did
I got a million ways to make my day
But daddy don't agree
Cause when I try to get away
He says he got plans for me
"Get your butt right out of bed"
Stop buggin' me
"Get up and move your sleepy head"
Don't shake my tree
He said "Mow the lawn" - who me?
"Walk the dog" - not my style, man
"Take out the trash" - no way
"Tidy your room" - c'mon get real
Sorry dad, gotta disappear
Let's get the rock out of here

Seven day weekend, up all night
In at the deep end, hang on tight
It won't take a minute, it won't take long
So get on in it, come on, come on, come on

Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Let's go all the way
Get it night'n'day
Come on, let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked

I'm your average ordinary everyday dude
Drivin' with my baby to get her in the mood
She's dialin' through my radio
And I'm ready to make my move
But what she got ain't rock'n'roll
And it really blew my groove
It was Chopin, Mozart, Beethoven
It makes me wanna scream
Bach, Tschaikovsky, violins
Turn it off, that ain't my scene
Well I'm sorry girl here's my confession
I suppose a rock's out of the question

Seven day weekend, up all night
In at the deep end, hang on tight
It won't take a minute, it won't take long
So get on in it, come on, come on, come on

Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Let's go all the way
Get it night'n'day
Come on, let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked

All I wanna do is take a ride into the blue
Every time I want to love you
I get stuck inside my room
Heaven knows I'm sick 'n' tired of dancin' with this broom

I feel lucky today
Hey look at that, man
Do you wanna get rocked?
Do you wanna get rocked?

It won't take you a minute
It won't take that long
So get on, get with it
Oh, come on everybody

Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Get on top baby
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Do you wanna, do you wanna?
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Get on top of it
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Love to rock your body baby
Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked

Let's go all the way
Let's do it night'n'day
Let's get out and play
Rock the night away
Come on, let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked
Do you wanna get rocked?

prepare and accept (the coffee ;) )

This day you will be provided with precisely what you are willing to accept. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination. You are immersed in an endless sea of abundance. The treasures of that abundance are yours to the extent that you choose to bring them into your life. There are opportunities branching out in many directions from every little detail. At each fork in the road, accept and explore the path that most closely resonates with your deepest purpose. To achieve the life that you desire, fully and sincerely be the person who will live it. Anything you can imagine is possible for you when you truly accept the possibility and sincerely bring it to life. With the thoughts you think, with the words you say, with the feelings and actions that fill each moment, you are accepting what is already available to you. The person you choose to be, comes ever more richly and fully to life as each day passes. Consider carefully and thoughtfully what you are willing to accept. For whatever it is, you will most certainly have. DOING SOMETHING GREAT When was the last time you were challenged to do something really... well... great? President Abraham Lincoln helped me to understand that there is a bit of greatness within all of us. It is said that he often slipped out of the White House on Wednesday evenings to listen to the sermons of Dr. Phineas Gurley at New York Avenue Presbyterian Church. He generally pre�ferred to come and go unnoticed, so when Dr. Gur�ley knew the president was coming, he left his study door open. On one of those occasions, the president quietly entered through a side door of the church, took his seat in the minister's study, located just off the sanctuary, and propped the door open just wide enough to hear the preacher. During the walk home one Wednesday even�ing, an aide asked Mr. Lincoln his appraisal of the sermon. The president thoughtfully replied, "The content was excellent... he delivered with elo�quence... he had put work into the message.." "Then you thought it was an excellent ser�mon?" questioned the aide. "No," Lincoln answered. "But you said that the content was excel�lent, it was delivered with eloquence and it showed much work," the aide pressed. "That's true," Lincoln said. "But Dr. Gur�ley forgot the most important ingredient. He forgot to ask us to do something great." There is nothing wrong with average lives and average accomplishments. Most of the good of the world is built on the accumulated efforts of everyday people. But, as Lincoln seemed to know, a life should strive for some greatness. Are you part of a relationship that, if given more effort, could be outstanding? Or do you volun�teer for an organization which is truly doing something excellent? Have you joined a cause that is attempting something great? Or have you ever said to yourself concerning a beautiful dream, "I could never do that," while knowing that if you were to attempt it and succeed, you just might ac�com�plish something significant? If Abraham Lincoln is right, then every life should strive to reach a little further today than it did yesterday, for there is some greatness in each of us. Steve Goodier Diligent preparation leads to outstanding achievement. What are you preparing for right now? In every moment, in every action, you are preparing yourself for one thing or another. Prepare yourself for the life you desire to lead, and it will come to be. Opportunities are constantly coming your way. Yet in order for them to be of any value, you must be prepared to take hold of those opportunities. The sooner you begin to prepare, the more you can achieve. Being prepared gives you considerably more options, and puts time on your side. Live joyfully and completely in each moment, knowing that you are preparing yourself for the times to come. Build one day upon another, with focus, positive intention and purpose, and you'll build a life that's truly spectacular. Each moment is your opportunity to prepare yourself for reaching higher and higher levels of fulfillment. Prepare well, and your life will reap many great rewards. Ralph Marston

Blind one-legged man wins arse-kicking contest

Blind one-legged man wins arse-kicking contest

Rum-fuelled piratical rampage quelled by Taser

A partially-sighted, one-legged man who had consumed a substantial quantity of rum was accused of attempted murder after he set about four American policemen single-handed earlier this week brandishing an assortment of cutting and stabbing weapons. The understandably alarmed plods subdued their assailant by the use of a Taser electroprod gun.

The Pueblo Chieftain reports today on the fracas, which took place on Monday in Colorado. According to court statements, four Pueblo cops responded to an emergency call made by a member of the public.

On arrival, the officers found James Ray Howard, 42, "shirtless on his front lawn" while brandishing a steak knife and a 12-inch metal spike. Howard later told police that he had consumed "a pint of rum" and unspecified prescription medication prior to the encounter. He is reportedly "legally blind" and has had one foot amputated, besides suffering from "other maladies".

According to the cops, on sighting them Howard uttered "threatening remarks" and made at them in an "aggressive manner". His aspect was sufficiently alarming that the cops understandably declined to engage in any hand-to-hand combat, despite their assailant's presumably limited abilities.

One officer discharged his Taser, planting the weapon's twin barbs into Howard's head and shoulder and zapping him with a crippling electric current. The legless one-legged scuffler was then disarmed and "brought under control".

The encounter was apparently sufficiently upsetting that the responding plods originally recommended a charge of attempted first-degree murder against Howard, but in the event he was written up only for first-degree assault. Perhaps having in mind the cops' advantages in numbers, limbs and un-addled mental processes during the Monday dustup, prosecutors eventually settled for a plea of guilty to a misdemeanour resisting-arrest charge.

The Chieftain reports that Howard is eligible for probation, and will be sentenced in November. His mother reportedly told police that he had been upset because his wife departed overseas some time ago and he hasn't heard from her for two months.

There was nothing in the report, but it's hard not to speculate that Howard may be keen to get home in order to feed his parrot. �